Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
