But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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