I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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