imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
