its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
