yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
