so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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