i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
