So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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