I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
