maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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