The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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