I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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