i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
