She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
