the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
