You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You smell like stripper and shame
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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