i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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