I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
