Welp...herpes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
