She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
