I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
