jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
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Blow job season was short but glorious.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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