i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
