my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
