I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
