Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
