U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
