U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
