they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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