if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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