There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I sprained my soul last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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