obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
