Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
