did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
