its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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