dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
