I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
