My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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