U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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