i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she peed on how many people?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
