went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
