I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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