What did we do last night that was yellow?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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