I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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