It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
