He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
