What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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