Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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