Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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