just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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