mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
