So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize