Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
