He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
