You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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