Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
