You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
