I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
