these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
