Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize