That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
