i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
