Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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