He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
