I am spending my child support on dildos
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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