He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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