Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
