we have pet lesbian snakes
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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