i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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