dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
