I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
