Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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