the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize