i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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