I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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