Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
