god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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